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I didn’t know what to do for your birthday this year.
I mulled on it for days. 
I felt guilty for not wanting to cry. I felt ashamed for not wanting to hold the grief, to cradle it softly in my hands and say: “I see you, it’s okay.” 
I wanted to be happy, to remember all of the laughter that we shared and the joy that you brought into my life. 
I wanted to remember you and smile.
I went to the woods, climbed a hill, and sat in the silence.
I recited poems and sang to you. 
I bought you a cupcake and let the wind blow out the candle.
I listened to Atmosphere and Mac Miller.
I ate taco bell to show you that I can now.
I tasted the saltiness of my tears.
The sky is dark today, but the sun will visit again, and warm my skin.
I see you, it’s okay.