Is My Therapist Seeing Someone Else?

Do you think that I’m neurotic 
Sliding to and fro
On a scale of well to unfit 
One moment high, the next, low 

I bet I’m your favorite client 
Because I make you laugh
That’s how you win therapy

Make em laugh, make em cry
Make em wonder why
They got into this profession
Because sometimes it’s shit
Listening to people talk about their troubles day in and day out 

To be fair, I’ve never seen my therapist cry 
But he probably cries when he goes home
And thinks about all of the fucked up stuff he hears 
It must be heavy learning about hopes and dreams alongside letdowns and fears

I don’t think he cries about my life
But he might inwardly roll his eyes
When I show up and talk about my ex 
Producing a lot of tears and a few big sighs

He’s like jesus woman move on
The man doesn’t want you 
And the thing is, I know. 
But my brain is playing some kind of game
And it refuses to let go

Too many mean men 
Are you a mean man?
Or just a man who means what he says

Do you know what it looks like 
To try but never gain the upper hand
To want it more than the other person 
Do you understand?

It feels like it
Sitting here, in the chair across from you 
I think you know what I’m saying
I think maybe you’ve been here too 
I think that you are kind
Even though it’s hard to do

Holding space for people that ask questions 
But don’t listen to what you say
You offer a solution
And they turn the other way

I trust your sage advice though I question your memory
You have 40 other clients who are their own kind of mess
You’re a receptacle for pain, anger and distress

But I see you over there taking notes
And I don’t think people do this job for the salary 
So thank you for your service
I’ll pay you with card and my attempts at being funny

Even when I show up and bullshit around for a while
You give space and wait until I’m ready 
Only occasionally poking at me
Your approach is slow and steady

I am neurotic some days
Sliding to and fro
On a scale of well to unfit
One moment high, the next, low 

But you listen and nod your head
Engaging with what I’ve said 
I look forward to our time every week
A little trauma processing, a little tongue-in-cheek

You text to see if I’m going to show up 
And I haven’t yet missed 
It’s how I fill my cup
So I’ll catch you on the flip